


You are my home

by dmdiane



Series: The inevitability of time [5]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Romance, peace talks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 04:38:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9965408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmdiane/pseuds/dmdiane
Summary: "Leia’s absence catapulted more than one person to un-asked-for leadership. Finn is becoming a diplomat as fast as he can. Poe gave up combat flying without hesitation to stay close. He is perfectly happy to coordinate, plan, provide mission support, do X-wing repairs, train, anything his fleet needs during the day. He remains the Commander of the fleet and sometimes flies escort and transportation runs for the Resistance officers. In the evening, every evening, they come home. Until last week, when an emergency meeting of the cease-fire council was called on Coruscant and it was assumed Finn would represent the Resistance."Not a stand alone. Probably need to read the series.





	

Poe startles from his drafting table at unexpected noise and motion when the front door swings open. Finn steps inside, hours earlier than expected, warm humid air gusting in with him. A surge of simple joy slips up from the surprise at having his love back in the room. Poe was going to pick him up from space dock later tonight. Paper rustles on the table as he hops to his feet. “Hey.”

Finn doesn’t say hello. He’s almost home. His mouth hits Poe’s for the first time in too long, a few days, but he’s missed him. The vibration of Poe’s chuckle of surprise and pleasure is perfect. Sweet starlight, what was he thinking, leaving the planet without Poe. His grasps the soft fabric of Poe’s shirt, plunders his mouth, drinks in the low rumble of approval, allows the spark of desire to fan into flames under his skin. The satchel slips from Finn’s shoulder to the floor.

BB8 rolls up, mutters a long string of complaints about caring for one’s things, the lateness of the hour, the likelihood of sex in the hallway. She takes the satchel’s strap with a pincer and rolls away. The binary chirping fades behind them. Finn cups the back of Poe’s neck and pulls him closer still. Chest to chest, Poe’s grip tightens on Finn’s arm, the taste of kaff in his mouth, Finn slides his fingers up into the cascade of silky curls and groans loudly. He knows at some level that they’d mostly been together since Leia died three months ago. The pilots give them grief about being inseparable. He just hadn’t known this need to have Poe in his sights would last. The seemingly vast physical void of the past three days is miraculously filled, brimming. Poe smells of motor oil and sweat, deliciously like Poe.

The desperation of Finn’s kiss is contagious. Poe takes control of the embrace and turns them, hands tight at Finn’s waist, licks into his mouth, owns it. BB8 may have the right of it about sex in the hallway because damned if Poe couldn’t take this man here and now. “Welcome home.” He manages two words and a breath before their lips meet again.

“You are my home.” Finn says against Poe’s mouth. “You.” Nips at his lower lip, presses wet kisses along Poe’s jaw, noses along his beard with a sigh.

The words scorch a path between Poe’s ribs. He sucks in air. “Fuck, Finn.” A stab of regret accompanies the growing arousal. He doesn’t want Finn off in the galaxy feeling so bereft. Or coming home so needy.

“Yes.” Finn’s hands are inside Poe’s shirt, soothing up his belly and chest, caressing his sternum and collarbones, yanking his shirt off, settling on his hips.

Poe tries to keep up. He tugs at Finn’s shirt without success, distracted as he is by the heat of Finn’s mouth on his neck. “Unnngggg.” The erection nudging him is hard, his cock filling fast. He grinds and grins at the answering growl pressed to his shoulder.

“Bed.” Finn says.

“Yes.” Poe holds Finn’s hips to his as he backs. He finds his mouth again and sinks into another kiss. He will never tire of kissing this man. Cannot recall how he’s made it this many days without. Feels love-edged wanting surge up his throat. He takes Finn’s hand and turns to tug him down the hall and around the corner to the bedroom.

Though it can be fun to tease each other out of clothing, it’s faster to peel off their own clothes as they go. Poe is curious about the trip, the meetings, Finn standing in for the permanently absent Leia for the first time, Finn’s sleep, and more than he can catalog. But, he knows the look in his lover’s eyes, Finn won’t be talking any time soon. Poe doesn’t ask, instead he traces his hands from Finn’s shoulder down his chest, over a hip to the top of his thighs in a sweep of possession. Finn’s cock juts toward him, handsome and inviting, foreskin peeled back, glistening at the tip.

Finn tilts Poe’s chin up, a twinkle in dark eyes. He smiles. “Need you.” He takes a step that brushes Poe backwards, purposefully brushing their cocks together, smile widening as he shoves lightly, follows him down into the bedcovers.

There’s no way to know until they get to this point who will have the pleasure of the bottom, they are mutual in their enjoyment of each other. Poe can be a tiny bit lazy about love-making, willing to surrender to nothing but sensation. But this moment Poe wants to fill Finn entirely, make sure he knows he’s claimed, and loved, and needed in return. Wants to hold him in every way he possibly can, shower him with affection and never let him go again. He’s missed the solidity of Finn in his arms. He marvels at the way Finn knows exactly how to touch him and can still gentle him to breathlessness. He can do this, too. Reduce Finn to liquid in mere seconds. Holy, fuck. “Finn.” He takes a moment to hold Finn’s face in his hands, thumbs caressing his cheeks. He wills himself into Finn’s gaze. “Mine.”

Finn gives way under the strength of Poe’s arched body pressing him into the bed. He closes his eyes and savors every touch. When Poe’s hand wraps around his cock for a strong pull, he whimpers. Poe’s fingers are slick, tucking under his balls, massaging up into him.

“Mine.”

The whisper caresses near Finn’s ear as strong fingers sweep over his prostate and wipe away thought. He thrusts into the touch, his cock leaking onto his belly. “Fuck.” He’s well and truly lost in the best way.  

Finn sighs relief as Poe sinks into him in a single deep thrust of confirmation. His eyes are wet with this, this return. Here is the beauty that melts away every sensation of being alive other than being together. If he didn’t have… Poe’s hand is on his face and Finn opens his eyes to the bottomless affection that fills him like air. Like water. Like food. Gods. Poe’s plunges deeper, yet. That motion hits in the way that makes Finn sob. He’s coming without being touched, warm ropes of come striping his chest, Poe’s chest. He contracts hard, spins into the sheer bliss of release, of Poe.

Poe jolts, staring, gripped in the storm of Finn’s orgasm, held fast by the wonder of feeling quite so good. He comes with a shout, thrusting and filling Finn’s warmth with spurt after spurt. He collapses, aftershocks shivering through him, feels Finn quake under him. Finn’s breath is harsh in his ear and this is exactly where he’s meant to be. He nuzzles in closer. Finn’s arms come up around his back and stroke in long sweeps. There’s a sweet press of lips at his hairline. Finn cradles Poe tight, heavy in his arms, he’s boxed in by Poe’s arms and legs braced around him, and it feels delicious and safe. Home. He snuggles even closer to Poe who slips to his side.

Poe untangles himself and heads to the ‘fresher to clean up and fetch a wet cloth, returning to the bed he gives his love a cursory wipe off. He kisses Finn’s drowsy smile. “Love you.”

Finn hums, trails his fingers tenderly over Poe’s beard. He shuffles over until Poe slips under the covers with him. Poe wraps an arm around his shoulders. Despite recent upheaval, Finn’s the sound sleeper between them when he can manage it. Blissfully satisfied to be here now, sure of Poe’s presence, he is asleep within the space of a few breaths.

Poe is wide awake. There are a hundred things he could get up and do if he was even remotely willing to leave the bed. But, he’d like Finn to wake up next to him, not alone. He stretches out, laces his fingers behind his head. Finn hasn’t slept well these past weeks. Poe can’t always tell what’s weighing on his bones, between the Stormtrooper rebellion, the ensuing bids for peace talks, and Leia’s death. Emotions run deep and sometimes hot these days. Poe had nearly said something stupid when Finn left. Something like ‘stay’ or ‘take me with you.’ Not so stupid it turns out, yet unsaid. He stays put.

Leia’s absence catapulted more than one person to un-asked-for leadership. Finn is becoming a diplomat as fast as he can. Poe gave up combat flying without hesitation to stay close. He is perfectly happy to coordinate, plan, provide mission support, do X-wing repairs, train, anything his fleet needs during the day. He remains the Commander of the fleet and sometimes flies escort and transportation runs for the Resistance officers. In the evening, every evening, they come home. Until last week, when an emergency meeting of the cease-fire council was called on Coruscant and it was assumed Finn would represent the Resistance.

Poe’s not inclined to have Finn running around the galaxy alone for diplomacy’s sake anytime soon. There’s an old two seater B-wing in the hangars he can re-engineer. It can easily be outfitted to handle the travel. She’s hard to fly, but a joy in many ways, including just enough space for two men, two droids and several days’ rations. In a pinch, they can sleep on her. She’s not the Falcon, but she can take a lot of fire and get them anywhere and back again. Poe begins sifting through the chore of customizing the craft, realizing that somewhere Leia’s laughing at him. ‘Perhaps if we’d done it together…’ she’d said one night in answer to a question about the disintegration of her fraught marriage. That’s not something he’s gonna let happen.

~O~

Kes Dameron watches his boys, Finn circulating on the assembly floor, Poe holding up a corner of the central bar on the observation level. It is rare to be off Dantooine these days, rare and rather nice. Not that he doesn’t worry about the several thousand children he has charge of in the shelters on Dantooine. They’re fine, of course. His shelters run incredibly, almost painfully, smoothly. The children of the Order are nothing if not orderly. He checks his communicator, the direct line to the shelters running a constant stream of updates. Even from here in the center of the galaxy, Kes can call up any of hundreds of cameras, hundreds of workers. And they can call him. His attention drifts back to the assembly floor below. There are a lot of characters here he doesn’t know. He’s been away from the politics of all this for a good long time.

Tomorrow he will give testimony based on the experiences of the children rescued from the Order. It’s his honor to be their voice. An honor he’d never have dreamt. If anyone had speculated all those years ago that the thing Kes Dameron would spend his life’s energy doing was parenting, he’d have had a good laugh. He grew up a rebel thug and ace mechanic. Shara Bey’s lover and chief supporter. He’d have bet he’d flame out over some distant moon amidst blaster fire. The arrival of Poe put paid to that. They raised their boy in the thick of the rebellion, yet as romantic as it seemed from afar, it often meant Kes at home taking care of a child while his wife was busy saving the galaxy. Shara may’ve taught the boy to fly, to dream of the stars, to fear nothing. But it was Kes who taught him to read, write, fix an aircraft, bandage a wound, cook a meal, tell a joke, sing a song. 

When he lost Shara, Kes was grateful to have the bit of her that lives on in Poe. And they’ve managed. Poe looks the mirror of Kes and lives the adventures of Shara. She’d’ve thought he’s got the best of them both. He smiles, he often talks to Shara about their son. Knows how impressed she’d be. Misses having her to gloat with. She would’ve loved Finn, too. How she would’ve loved the near unstoppable force of Poe and Finn together. A small part of him suspects Shara would’ve been more like Leia, still fighting, never quite able to focus narrowly enough to notice.

Kes is here to testify, yes, and he’s also here to support Finn navigating the politics of this momentary halt to hostilities without Leia. Once again, a son has lost his mother and Kes will step into the void left. He couldn’t love Finn more if he’d been his own blood. He sometimes scolds Finn about taking care of Poe – that’s what parents do – but, he’s stunned by the way Poe’s entire being orients to the magnetic pull of Finn. The crowd below on the arena floor orients to Finn, too. Kes has never been able to put aside his child for anything, even for peace. His inability to leave Poe with Shara’s parents to go fight was probably the only fight they’d never resolved.

~ 

Poe stands at ease near one of four bars on the crowded balcony watching Finn consult with Gial Ackbar near the broad circular podium on the meeting floor. There’s an emissary from the Order testifying via holograph in the center of proceedings, though it’s not clear from here if anyone’s actually listening. As far as Poe can tell, the purpose of the meeting is really to continue hashing out the points of dismantling the Order and proposing governing structures for whatever’s coming next. One irritable creature at a time. 

Tonight the proceedings include a posh hotel in the Byrink resort. Finn is attending another summit representing the Resistance – not his favorite role, but one he’s frighteningly good at. The negotiations of a general peace have been protracted and anything but peaceful. The Resistance and the Republic have very different ideas about peace than the Jedi or the Order. Finn says that there will be no peace until the Order is entirely defeated and dismantled.  Finn’s reservations about the current state of affairs make for long stressful days.

The irony and power of a former First Order Stormtrooper negotiating on behalf of anything isn’t lost on anyone. For his part, Finn has stopped hiding and begun embracing every aspect of who he is. Since Leia’s death, he dresses entirely in soft white suits tailored to echo both trooper armor and Jedi robes. From the balcony, Poe watches the crowds drift towards and away from Finn as if he has his own gravity. Often it doesn’t seem entirely safe. Poe isn’t the only creature that would prefer Finn have some additional protection in the form of armed escort. Aside from Poe’s blaster, Finn refuses. He insists on traveling light and being nimble.

Finn feels the weight of Poe’s consideration, a thin cape of awareness, often felt, always welcomed. He listens to Ackbar’s complaint about the proposal for two years compulsory military service for citizens upon completion of schooling. Ackbar’s only ever been part of a voluntary service. Finn’s been a part of both, sees both flavors of strength, is committed to a middle path in all things. He finds the all or nothing attitude of the Resistance factions more annoying than he’d ever have thought possible. Why, he wonders, is it so much more irritating when those you love are badly behaved? When, shouldn’t it be the opposite? He agrees to write a more in-depth proposal, although he can’t imagine when he’ll do that.

Near the end of this conversation, Finn finally glances up and spots Poe upstairs. Poe’s vigilance flows from him like a shield. The man cannot possibly know how beautiful he is. Poe has taken to dressing in the equivalent of black under-armor. Finn never had a ‘what if Poe’d been a stormtrooper’ kink, but damned if the man isn’t a vision in the clinging fabric that manages to feel off-putting at the same time it doesn’t hide a single feature of a fine physique. As if he’s touched him, Poe re-orients to Finn’s gaze and smiles. No longer on mission duty, Poe’s grown a surplus of hair. At the moment his black and silver mane is held back at the crown in bun, a sleek beard follows the lines of his jaw. His smile widens to a grin. He’s simply a vision. Finn stills to refuel on Poe’s attention.

Poe’s gaze yanks up with a suddenness that makes Finn turn to the large windows arching over the venue. In the traffic of the space port it’s easy to pick out the silhouette of the Falcon. Not something anyone other than Poe and Finn would notice. Finn closes his eyes for a moment and reaches out with his feelings to touch on Rey and Luke and something much darker. He sighs. He’s wanted Snoke and guesses that Kylo Ren is a decent enough start. This will all take just forever. His shoulders drop for a second before he squares them. His gaze rivets back to Poe, who continues to watch the port. A long, deep ripple of comfort flows through him. Wherever Poe stands is, and will always be, his piece of land.  

~

Rey’s laugh spills across the table in sheer delight at something Finn just said. The two of them are like styla stones, brushing against one another making sparks. Poe wonders what they’re up to. The meal they shared is eaten. Kaff steams from various cups on the table.  Kes and Luke have taken over the other end of the table, reminiscing. The person Poe has the most in common with sits across the table, just staring at into cup, fingers steepled under his chin. Ben Solo. It’s hard to think of him otherwise without stirring up the rage Poe carries simmering in the background of an otherwise unexpectedly pleasant life. Ben is an echo of their childhood. Kylo Ren is the embodiment of too much that Poe’s loved and lost.

“What are they calling you these days?” Poe asks softly.

Ben’s gaze comes up. He blinks.

Poe keeps his expression bland.

Ben’s eyes narrow. For a brief second Poe feels the touch at the periphery of his mind. He slams that pathway shut and Ben at least has the grace to look surprised. Poe rocks back in his chair, raises a brow.

Ben lifts a few long dismissive fingers. “Whatever you like, Dameron.” This is so much like Ben when they were teenagers that Poe can’t help but smile a bit. Gloomy fucker.

But the whiff of emotion widens the cracks and fissures in Poe’s composure. The anger is so close his stomach rolls. He’s sharing air again with one of his closest childhood friends, who it happens tortured him, killed Han, tried to kill Finn for fuck sake. From a distance, it helped to think of him as two men. Proximity makes him one entity again. It’s hard not to shoot him. Good thing Poe doesn’t have a blaster. Ben meets his eyes, amusement glinting, and it’s harder still not to come across this table and… Luke’s gaze shifts to Poe, Finn and Rey both swivel. There’s a long moment during which Poe senses all of them wondering if they should’ve paid closer attention or how to circumvent the coming explosion of fury. He breathes and contemplates stowing the anger away again. Perhaps he can. Though, what is this man doing here when Leia and Han are not? What right does he have… Poe swallows the thought. Perhaps he cannot.

Finn and Kes get to their feet, eyes on Poe. Dinner comes to a full stop. Luke and Rey move to stand more slowly, eyes on Ben, or Kylo, or whoever he is now. He’s probably thought up a third name. Poe slides his hands the length of his thighs, trying to manufacture patience. He realizes he’s competing with Ben for who’ll remain seated last. Gods. He shakes his head, eases up. Turns to his father and his love, viciously satisfied that no matter what Luke and Rey are to Ben, he doesn’t have this.

Finn’s hand settles in the small of Poe’s back. “Want to call it a night?” His voice is low, for Poe’s ears only, close, coaxing, calm.

“Mmmm.” Poe hums his assent. He lifts his chin to his father as a good-bye, ignores the rest of them, stepping around Finn on the way to the exit.

“Tell me what happened back there.” Finn keeps a hand on Poe while they walk. The hotel foyer is busy and they are immediately swathed in soothing anonymity. Here, they’re not anymore noticeable than half the other leaders from the inner circles of the systems. 

“You were there.” Poe evades.

“I was.” Finn agrees. They catch a lift and ride upwards in the close confines with several others in silence.

Poe feels Finn waiting. Several floors pass and then they’re alone in the lift. Poe puts his forehead on Finn’s shoulder. “He’s an arrogant ass. I can’t make allowances.” He says.

Finn cups the back of his neck and rubs. The lift deposits them on the floor of their suite. Finn doesn’t ask for more, but it feels as if he’s still waiting 

In the sitting room, Poe throws himself on the long divan. “Fratricidal bastard. 

“Not exactly.”

“You were a better son to her.”

‘’Probably not. But it’s nice to hear.” Finn settles on the cushions beside him and leans. “Can’t have negotiations without ever engaging with the Emperor. I was hoping Kylo Ren was a start in that direction. But, it seems Snoke has abandoned him.”

“S’that mean I can shoot him?”

“No.” Finn chuckles.

“Fuck.” Poe digs an elbow into Finn’s ribs.

Finn shoves back with a shoulder. “You’d be a terrible diplomat.”

“I know.”

Finn holds Poe’s gaze, his expression growing solemn. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Poe’s tempted to argue. But, of course, Finn is right. “Didn’t reckon on having to make nice with him. Ever.”

Finn accepts this with a nod. His hand traces up Poe’s arm, across his shoulder to caress the back of his neck fondly. “You’ve known each other a long time.”

“Yeah. Too long and too well.” Poe pulls the elastic from his hair, sending curls asunder, increasing the mayhem of it by running both hands through it. “I figure the kid I knew was gone. That he’s turned into somebody else.”

“Have you turned into someone else?”

Poe’s eyes lock with Finn’s. “No…” The protest is out there before he has a chance to think. He stops. Wonders if Ben is exactly who he’s always been. He casts the thought away. “He’s a puppet.”

“I don’t think so.” Finn allows. “If he was, don’t you think Snoke would have kept him close?”

“I don’t know. If he’s not, why didn’t Snoke just kill him?” Poe counters. Ben is more than likely a spy. He huffs a breath.

“Perhaps he tried.”

Poe can imagine Ben would survive Snoke. Despite his lanky sullen demeanor, Ben is frighteningly powerful. Poe pushes those thoughts away, too. “It hardly matters what I think.”

“You may know him best, Poe.” Finn comments. “What you see and think might matter a lot.”

“Longest, maybe. Best, no.” Poe says. “D’you trust Rey to keep an eye on him?”

“And Luke.”

“That hasn’t worked well in the past.” Poe points out. He lets himself fall back onto the bed. He’s done talking about Ben Solo.

~O~ 

Poe spends the next two days either up in the suite on coms managing the fleet’s efforts to assist setting up transitional housing for Stormtroopers or down in the space port on the B-wing doing routine maintenance with the droids. Snap Wexley and his wife T’rina have embraced those troopers too old to stay in the shelters. Former Stormtroopers don’t all acclimate easily. They are welcome on Dantoine, certainly. It’s proven challenging to find other places they are accepted, to separate them or to employ them. There’s a strange half-hope or maybe expectation that there are at least a few families waiting for these lost souls to rejoin them.

T’rina established a clearing house for families looking for someone. Snap helped set up temporary barracks and organized finding clothing, keeping folks busy. Unsurprisingly, Stormtroopers are organized to a fault and those on Dantoine have a clear hierarchy and patterns of following each other. Snap and Poe are seriously thinking of starting classes to teach folks how to have fun. Finn pointed out that what the former troopers really need is decision-making courses. Poe is determined to combine those needs.

The B-wing, on the other hand, is straightforwardly easy work. He tinkers, improves, uses the routine to think. Poe didn’t plan on Ben Solo surviving the war. Any of them, if he’s honest. It seems he didn’t even believe any of this peace business was actually happening until Ben sat down opposite him at dinner. It feels wrong that Ben survived his parents. Poe knows this is a ridiculous calculus in the end, but feelings are feelings. And, his are in utter disarray. His thoughts brush up on the fact that Ben killed his father and the pain is such that his mind skitters away from it. There is enough going on in the galaxy without becoming fixated on Ben Solo drifting aimlessly around. Ben lingering nearby stirs up memories and grief.

~

Kes finally pins down R2D2 for Poe’s whereabouts. The droid directs him to the B-wing. He leaves for Dantoine tomorrow and returns to the other children in his charge. Today, he needs to talk to his number one son. He finds Poe under the B-wing talking to BB8 about options for leveraging the power couplings.

Hearing his father exchanging greetings with R2D2, Poe slides from under the aircraft. “Papi, what brings you?”

“Done testifying. I’m leaving in the morning.” Kes pulls a crate over and sits. “Want to talk to you.” 

Poe’s brows pull together. “Yeah?”

“Finn is going to be involved in all of this peace-making mess for a long while.” Kes begins.

Poe nods, leans against the ship.

“He needs you beside him.”

Poe arms sweat from his forehead, looks down. “I need him, too.”

Kes waves the comment aside. “Not what I’m talking about, Poe. He’s doing some incredible work up there, but…” Kes squints for the words. “He’s better when you’re with him. Where he can see you. I don’t know if he’d tell you. If he even knows.” Kes puts up a finger, forestalls Poe’s reply. “You don’t have to forgive Ben. Don’t have to even make nice. But, you have to find a way to accept that he’s in the room without letting it get the best of you. For Finn.”

“Papi.” Poe sighs.

“No. Son, I would never tell you that combat isn’t personal. But, that isn’t what’s happening up there where they are trying to hammer out this next little patch of peace. Everyone is putting something personal aside when they are in the room. We just need you to do the same. I know you can. I’ve seen you do it.”

“It’s too soon.”

“Yes, it is. It always is. But, it’s happening anyway.” Kes stands, stretches. “Do not make the mistake of thinking that what you do or who you are isn’t an essential part of this entire process.”

Poe breathes a rueful sigh. “It’s not, though. Not really. I’m the ground crew. The comfort.” Frustration hums under his tone.

“Poe, that’s the most important role. No one can take the kinds of risks your pilots take, or Finn takes, without knowing where the stable ground is.” Kes scrubs a hand through his hair, searching for words. “When you were flying combat missions, you knew Gial was on the ground planning. You knew if anything unexpected happened, there were people who would know, be there to back you up, come looking for you.”

Poe clenches his jaw. “I am not the most stable ground, Papi.”

“You can be.” Kes steps over to Poe and rests his brow on his son’s. “Get cleaned up. Get your head straight. Go where Finn is.”

“He says I’m his home.” Poe admits softly.

That explains a lot, Kes thinks. “Well, then, if that’s the way it is for him, you’re the only home he’s ever had. So go be that. Go be his damn planet, his galaxy.” Kes remembers feeling that way about another person. Wishes Shara was here to find the right words to console her son. “We have lots of homes, you and I. Finn has you.” He says, searching for the thought that will mend this bridge. “Ben breaks people. Takes them away. I don’t know if he can do anything else, no matter what Luke hopes or Rey thinks. Don’t let him take you and Finn from one another, even in this smallest of ways.”

A flare of recognition in Poe’s gaze hints that he’s heard something he needed to hear. Being a parent doesn’t get any easier with time, damn it. Kes leans away. Poe nods. “Yeah. I’ll get… cleaned up.” He stows the spanner.

“I’ll see you back planet-side soon.” Kes offers. “Be careful out there, son.”

Finn sees Poe at the entrance to the meeting room, where he stops long to secure two tall bottles of water, and he monitors his progress as he makes his way through the caucusing delegations to where Finn works detailing a map of the proposed territories. Finn thinks he ought to be worried about the physical feeling of security Poe’s presence brings. Rey thinks it’s a symptom of his sublimating sense of loneliness since Leia died. She reminds him of her own unshakeable faith that her family would come back for her. Says she can still feel the shadow of that belief, a belief that allowed her to fight for the next day, and the next. Poe is definitely a way to keep another tomorrow in sight.

Poe walks up to Finn until they stand toe to toe. He gives Finn a bottle of water. “Hi.” He nudges his shoulder. “You good?”

“Better.” Finn’s smile flashes wide and happy for a second.

When Finn returns his attention to his work, a foot pressed solidly against Poe’s, Poe surveys the room. Luke speaks intently to the chair of the Galactic Senate. Ben and Rey sit at a table near him, not participating beyond maybe listening, commenting only to each other. From across the room, Poe can let his gaze wander from them to the next table, let the awareness of Ben’s presence slide away. Justice cannot be done, in fact. Peace has never been forever. Poe can let today be simply good, let being with Finn be more than enough.

~O~

Poe listens to Finn start the day from the vantage of bed, head under a pillow. Fresher, then the kitchen tap. Poe peers out to watch the stretching, which is gorgeous and flows directly into enticing calisthenics. Every morning. Quiet, smooth, efficiency of motion, strength, balance, and coordination on easy display. Not something Poe will ever tire of. Finn is the most physical person Poe’s ever known. Finn sees no distinction between himself and his body, he is, in fact, his body, a complete complex whole being. He habitually tends every aspect of his wellbeing. And although Poe’s habits are better than he’d ever thought they’d be, he is light years more attentive to his own care and maintenance, he still experiences workouts and meditation as chores and food as a pleasure. Finn has finally forced Poe to understand that Poe’s body belongs to Finn and is not to be used carelessly, ever. Finn reciprocates the understanding and Poe accepts that Finn, in his entirety, belongs to him. Yet, the gulf of experience between being raised as a commodity and being raised as a blessing never truly closes. When Poe doesn’t adequately acknowledge that Finn is his, Finn hollows out, drifts, clings.

Poe hadn’t appreciated how much Finn also belonged to Leia and Rey until they weren’t here. Finn needs more people and Poe isn’t sure where to find them. The berserk jealous part of Poe has grown to love being Finn’s only person, being Finn’s home. He knows it’s selfish and wrong. He knows he has to do better. He sighs so heavily Finn pauses mid push-up to look over at him. Poe tucks the pillow behind his head and rolls to sit. He gazes at Finn, holding himself up on his arms and toes. How long can he do that? “Mornin’.” He murmurs a greeting and gets to his feet.

“Mornin’.” Finn answers. “You’re up early.”

Poe takes the two steps to stand beside Finn, a broad smile painting his features. “I am.” He admits. He waits for Finn to lower into another push-up and climbs to sit on his back. “Looked like you needed some resistance.”

Finn chuffs and pushes slowly up. “And you thought you’d help?”

“Mmmm hmmm.” Poe appreciates the ripple of muscle under his butt as Finn lowers slowly. “If you get through the whole set, you won’t have to pump iron later.”

“True.” Finn says, rising up again. “What’ll I do with all that free time, though?” He lowers. The muscles of his arms and shoulders burn, setting up a slight tremble. He rises.

“I don’t know…” Poe says with mock consideration bordering on flirting.

Finn shivers with laughter. The laugh grows and he sinks to the floor. Poe laughs. Finn relaxes and rolls, dislodging Poe. He catches him around the waist and wrestles him close for a kiss between chuckles. “Pest.”

“Hunk.”

“Menace.”

“Stud.”

“Mischief.” Finn digs fingers into Poe’s ribs. 

“Arrrgh.” Poe arches away from tickling fingers, pressing against Finn. “Huhhhhnnnn.” He wraps legs around Finn’s and leverages to sit on his belly. He captures Finn’s invading hands and holds tight. He slumps onto him sighing. “Too early.” 

“You started it.”

“I did.” Poe kisses Finn’s chin.

Finn sits up, Poe in his lap. Their eyes meet and hold, their actual greeting this morning. Though unspoken, affirmation and affection flow between them for a long quiet moment.

Poe traces his thumb across Finn’s cheek. “Nothing today, right?” There’s a note of hope in his voice, although Finn promised a day off. That’s not always something he has control of anymore. Finn’s answering grin puts Poe at ease. With a nod he lifts off his love and stands up. He extends a hand and pulls Finn to his feet. “Then let’s get a shower and get the hell outta here.”

Free time doesn’t always mean play time, they’ve promised Kes they’ll head for Yavin 4 and check in at the house, pick up any parcels that haven’t been forwarded, shop for staples not available on Dantoine, do the chores that require regular attention. Often, one of them does this on the way to somewhere else. Today, they have an entire day to hang out together and leisurely do the few chores in the company of friends and relatives who aren’t remotely interested in galactic politics beyond general appreciation of peace.

A single deep breath of Yavin’s warm humid air, redolent of flowering greenery and rain, is enough to have Poe wrapped in the comfort of being home. His entire body unwinds deliciously, even his gait loosens. He doesn’t mention it this, though. While he rents a speeder for the day, Finn steps into a shop and gets two fruit drinks native to Yavin and a favorite. In the mid-morning sun, they set off towards the house.

“He ought to rent this place to someone. It’d be easier.” Finn comments, tugging on the pump valve that flushes the well.

“Don’t let Papi hear you saying so.” Poe yanks up the filters and checks them for debris. “He’s dead set on coming back here as soon as he can.”

“Uh huh.” Finn mutters, his tone one of resigned skepticism. “I don’t see him leaving the shelters to someone else any time soon.”

Poe replaces the filters and considers Finn’s comment as a reflection of Finn’s tendencies to control rather than an observation of fact. Kes has been meticulous in establishing easily replicable services and programs and mentioned last week that enough Stormtroopers are underfoot that they’ll be able to manage on their own soon. It was Poe and Snap that argued the kids need more exposure to the real world than that allows, not Kes. Papi always has an end game that has him here. “We’ll see.” He offers. “Still wouldn’t suggesting any renting to him.”

Finn watches the well water churn, waits for it to clear again. He shrugs. “You think about coming here to live eventually?”

Poe looks up. He quells the ‘of course’ that rises to his lips. “Hmmm. Actually planning to be with you forever, wherever that’ll be.” He’s unnerved that Finn’s question seemed so limited to Poe and not to ‘us’ or ‘we.’ His response, while not an answer, earns a wide smile from Finn.

The well clears and Poe slides the filters back in place while Finn shoulders the pump valve back to circulate the well water. One of Kes’s cousins comes by the house every day and keeps the place clean, a nephew tends the yard. Kes comes regularly to manage the well and any house repairs. When he can’t, like this month, he sends Poe or Finn. Poe cannot see his father settling into a tiny suite of rooms in the shelters for the long term. And he feels it’s his own job to take care of his father when he inevitably needs care. He knows any number of relatives would happily live with Kes. But, the thought gives Poe no pleasure. Feels wrong. Until a half-hour ago he’d’ve sworn Finn knows and agrees. For the life of him, he doesn’t recall any kind of conversation, though. They’ve been busy for years, it seems. Looking myopically at the next move or stuck in the cycle of reacting. Feeling fortunate for the time they have instead of planning some future they might not arrive at. He realizes it’s only been a matter of months since he stopped flying missions and his life expectancy has multiplied without his notice.

“Hey.” He touches Finn’s arm and waits for his full attention. “What did you think would happen? Eventually?”

Enough minutes have passed that Finn pauses before his expression clears and then shifts to something uncharacteristically pensive. “Serious, then.”

Poe nods once. “Serious.”

Finn lifts a shoulder and glances off past Poe into the distance. “Thought you’d be killed or missing or… thought Leia…” He struggles to make a sentence. “Thought Leia and I would just work…” He begins again and stops again. “Just thought the war would go on forever.” His gaze comes back to Poe’s.

Poe stands locked in everything Finn hasn’t said, held in a warm steady gaze. What Finn has imagined isn’t so far from what Poe imagined after all.

Finn chuffs a soft breath. “Always thought I’d be with you as long as we were given, you know.”

“I know.”

“Still hard without her.”

“Yeah.”

“There’s still a chance something could happen to one of us.” Finn doesn’t elaborate about a recent assassination plot against him. They haven’t quite adjusted to him being the one in more danger. But, risk has been a constant. Poe guards him diligently and he figures anyone trying to kill him will have to take them both out. Probably not a thought that ought to make him smile, but it does.

Poe tuts, matching Finn’s rueful smile. “What if we beat all the odds and grow old?”

“I have no idea.’ Finn admits, a touch of annoyance in his tone.

“Well, shit. Thought you’d have a ten-point plan.” Poe teases.

Finn doesn’t take the bait. “Tell you what. Growing old looks alright.” He says this as if it’s the first time he’s thought it. 

“Agreed.” Fondness flows through Poe at Finn’s bemusement. He feels ridiculously fortunate to have this fascinating man’s love. Finn looks a bit lost in the complications of thinking about their future, although he thinks about the future of the galaxy with such particular ease. “Let’s get the shopping done and find some place fun for lunch.” He moves closer to nudge their shoulders together, in a gesture nudging ideas of the future into the background. 

Mid-day in the Central City Market is lively and loud. Finn feels Poe pick up his pace as they blend into the flow of the crowd. A heady mix of languages overlays the sound of a band somewhere near. The occasional call of a fruit seller pierces the din. At no point in his life has it ever occurred to Finn that he might choose to do something else with life. No, that’s not quite true. There’d been a moment there, on Jakku, less than a day free, when he’d wanted nothing other than to fly as far away from the civilized portion of galaxy and hide. Then again, in Maz Catana’s canteen, he’d prepared himself to hunker down and work, anywhere he didn’t have to kill anyone. He glances at Poe. But, at no point since Poe’s embrace on D’Qar, Poe, alive, and in his arms, at no point since then has he thought about any life other than fighting for the Resistance. Something about Leia’s eyes had held him fast as well. Until four months ago. When she died and let him go. He stops walking. Why do people who love him let him go?

As distracted as he is by the sudden feeling of abandonment, he sees Poe walking away. It’s as if slender chains holding his heart are flexing. Poe turns, searching. Finn recognizes the moment Poe realizes he’s stopped. He can’t respond as Poe’s expression shifts from mild curiosity to concern. Poe walks back until he’s standing nearly toe to toe with him. Finn sinks into the warmth of the dark brown gaze that knows him better than he knows himself.

“Okay?” Poe asks, gently. 

Finn closes his eyes against this gentleness he’s provoked. His answer is either nothing or everything. He wants nothing more than to not be such a bundle of melancholy. This is why it's just easier to work, he thinks. Work pushes the mess of his feelings out of the way, engages his brain, doesn’t allow for pockets of… whatever this is. He sucks in some air. “I, uh…” he struggles to begin. “…just a lot.” He looks up.

Poe’s brow furrows. “A lot of what?”

“Nothing. I just got… sad.” He admits.

Poe glances around, maybe trying to see what’s set Finn off. Then his expression brightens. “Come.” He weaves his fingers between Finn’s and tugs him sideways, out of the foot-traffic. Finn starts to protest that they don’t need to go, then he sees the tea shop. Tea might help. He nods.

The tea parlor is soothingly dark and cool. The spicy aroma of tea blends fills the air. In contrast to the market just feet away, it’s quiet. Fabric hangs from the walls and ceiling, the booths are thickly cushioned. The business of getting a table and ordering drinks allows Finn to recover his habitual poise.

Poe checks his coms for a moment before giving Finn a smile. “Better?”

“Yeah.” He smiles back. “Thank you. I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“I don’t mean to derail our day off.”

“You haven’t. You don’t.” Poe bumps Finn’s foot under the table, trapping an ankle between his.

Finn purses his lips. It crosses his mind to ask Poe how he’s coping with the end of combat missions. Just to get the attention to shift. Instead, he grabs the last trace of courage. “How long will it take? For the hurt to go away?” Not exactly what he needs to know, but close.

“It doesn’t.” Poe says. “After a couple of years, I got better with it being part of me. But, it doesn’t go.”

Finn blinks. It doesn’t? Won’t. Go? His thoughts stutter. A fragrant pot of tea is placed on the table between them. Two large mugs and a tray of biscuits follow. Finn feels as if his chest has scooped out, hollow and unyielding. Poe waves the server away with very soft thanks and pours steaming tea into the mugs. Finn was counting on getting better. He can’t imagine wandering through the rest of his life with one sharp-edged sorrow piling upon another.

“Hey.” Poe’s voice yanks him back into the present. “Drink.” He offers.

Finn obediently lifts the warm mug and sips, heat soothing down his throat, opening his lungs, letting him take a breath.

“I know.” Poe says. “I mean, obviously, I don’t know how this is for you. I had…” He stops, then starts again. “I know how hard this is, not what it’s like for you. But.”

Poe running out of words, he who can talk a blue streak all the time, strikes Finn as funny. Despite his slow recovery from new painful knowledge, Finn can’t help a smile. Poe smiles and raises his shoulder. Usually so eloquent. But, here. Always. Finn’s smile widens and he sips again. Lets the crisis pass. It'll surely be back if what Poe says is true. It's nice being out of the crowd for the moment. He sips his tea and wills the broken mess inside of him to re-settle.


End file.
